Hello, My Old Heart

Some time after college, I'm not sure the exact time (as time gets blurrier every year, lol at that being thirty life), I was reading a book called "Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul" --- looking back now, I can't say I agree with everything in terms of how some topics were presented in said book, but there are some good truths in there, that resonated with me at the time. One thing that stood out to me at the time though was the idea of "being a woman of rest, who invites others into rest." That idea was so attractive to me (and still is), that it became a prayer of mine. That God would make me into a woman of rest, who invites others to rest.

I'm not sure what I thought that meant, but looking back at my life since I began praying that prayer, I don't think I would have started praying it if I knew what was ahead honestly. First of all, I needed to learn and understand what it means to actually rest. A concept that is foreign to our fast paced world and contradictory to my own drive to "do/make things happen/take action." In the end it's played out like this: God started with showing me that though I spoke of His love all my life, I wasn't resting in it, I didn't know how to rest in it. I believed that God loved me so much that He sent Jesus to die for my sins so I could get to heaven when I died. I had to walk through various trials in order to learn and eventually begin believing that His grace and love is also sufficient in the here and now, not just for eternity.

There are many subpoints of things I have learned and grown in that fall under being a woman of rest and it's been a journey and a half as He's shifted my gaze from the gifts of life to the Giver of life, Himself. I can't say much about this week, other than it's added to the reminder that being a woman of rest means not only trusting Him with the details of my life, but also trusting Him with the details of others lives. It means believing in the sufficiency of His grace and love even when I don't understand why things play out the way they do. It's been a felt theme over the past year in various areas of life, and as the year has gone on, I'm continually reminded: to feel deeply, is to love deeply, to love deeply is to know God's heart even more.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-20